he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
