I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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