fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
