No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
