Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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