No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
