If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
