I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
