Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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