everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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