Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
