just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
