Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
