google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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