Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
