somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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