i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
