we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
