I think I am morally bankrupt
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
