im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
