it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
