This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
