I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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