508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
