Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
