how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
