I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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