Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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