god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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