You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
