dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
