R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
