You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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