real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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