i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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