I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
