Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
