Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
