Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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