i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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