i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
