I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
