I like my sex mixed with concussions.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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