I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
