i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
