I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
