pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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