He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
