Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
