but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
