i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
