all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
