She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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