Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
