My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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