my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
