I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
