my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
