Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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