we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
